


The Big Luau

by luvhandlz (lamardeuse)



Category: Dragnet 1967, Hawaii Five-O
Genre: Crossover, Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-27
Updated: 2010-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:12:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamardeuse/pseuds/luvhandlz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe and Bill go on a little vacation. Crossover with <em>Hawaii-Five-O</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Big Luau

**Author's Note:**

> Note from lamardeuse: This is not actually my work, but is written by my partner, who believes in the idea that you can slash anyone. He is a sick man. The frightening thing is that Dragnet 1967, with Jack Webb (Joe Friday) and Harry Morgan (Bill Gannon), is actually pretty damn slashy.

"More oil, Buttercup?" asked Officer Gannon as he languidly twirled the hairs on Joe Friday's back.

"Just a little, please."  Joe shivered slightly at Bill's touch.

Gannon sighed and lay back on the beach blanket.  "When's McGarrett supposed to get here?"

Joe looked at his watch.  "Just around sunset.  We got hours yet."

"Great, then I've got time for a swim," chortled Gannon, as he leapt up from the blanket.  Joe watched affectionately as Officer Bill ran to the water's edge.  He twitched his buttocks saucily at Joe before he plunged into the water.  Sometime later, he emerged spluttering, his trunks clinging suggestively to his spindly shanks.  Joe felt his manhood surge at the sight.

"Let's go to our hotel room and try out the whirlpool bath," he husked as Gannon flopped onto the blanket again.

"McGarrett sure picked a swanky hotel for us, didn't he, Joe?  And them pink satin sheets - hoo boy!  How did he know I was partial to pink sheets?"

"It's his job to know these things, Bill.  He's a highly trained and experienced officer of the law, not to mention a great dancer."  

At dusk, the boys made their way back down to the beach.  In the flaring light of tiki torches, they saw Steve McGarrett make his entrance.

Resplendent in a grass skirt and coconut bra, he carried a large ebony phallus with the words, "With Love from the HPD Night Shift" embossed in gold.  He rode an elaborately carved throne borne on the backs of a dozen naked Polynesians, their muscles glistening with oil.  Trotting beside the throne and tethered to it by a leash was Dano, wearing only a hibiscus flower behind his ear and leather chaps.  

With a flourish of drums, McGarrett leapt from the throne.  He bitchslapped Dano with the phallus, and his partner fell groveling at his feet.  

"Aloha, my friends," McGarrett said, addressing Joe and Bill with a regal wave.  "I trust your room is to your liking."

Bill and Joe exchanged meaningful glances.  Joe cleared his throat.  "It was exactly to specifications, thank you."

"And the strawberry lube was much appreciated," Bill added eagerly.

"If either of you fancy a quick one, I've got Dano all greased up."

"Thanks, Steve; maybe later," replied Joe.

Gannon pouted in disappointment.  "But that's butter flavor Crisco, my favorite."

"Now, Bill," Joe chided, "your Viagra treatment will last for another couple of hours yet.  Be patient."

"Let's eat, then," said McGarrett expansively.  He led Joe and Bill to a large fire pit, beside which sat two pigs wrapped in plantain leaves.

"We're not going to eat them just like that, are we?" asked Bill.

"Of course not," replied McGarrett.  "Cook 'em, Dano!"

**Author's Note:**

> First published February 2006.


End file.
